Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Bring me that man meat
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
