Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
