Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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