i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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