Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
