my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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