I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
