a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
