Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
