Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
