If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
