You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
