I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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