have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize