we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
