Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
