I don't usually arrange sex via text message
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
