that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
