i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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