at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
