I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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