Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
