It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you win again, gameday.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
