yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
