my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Randomize
