he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
