The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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