Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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