i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
