so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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