did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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