I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
