I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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