I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
