i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
