Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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