I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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