I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
