You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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