Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
