"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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