I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
