I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
