First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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