I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
