i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
