There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
