Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
