Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize