Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize