if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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