Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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