I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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