Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
