its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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