Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
