If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
