11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
