There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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