break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
