and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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