Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
