I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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