If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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