i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
