is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
