Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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