Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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