i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He felt like a one man threesome
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
