the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
