I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Operation Purity has been aborted
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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