1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
