Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
