yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
