So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
