I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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