Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
