Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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