At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
