You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
