Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
