So drunk its hurt
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
