Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Randomize
