are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
