So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
