I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
