im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
