when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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