I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
