What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
