Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't want my vagina anymore.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
