I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize