Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
