I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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