Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
