Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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