ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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