I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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