Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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