I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize