i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
