Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize