I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize