then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
