guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
