I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
