meet me or not, i'm out of control
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
