the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
